Numb and Comfortable

There is a fog inside my head, like the hoarfrost that forms inside the tent on a cold alpine night. And I can’t really put my finger on why. Something is burning inside…making my clench my fists and hold my head. A desire, but for what? To fly free….lose the earth and all its bonds and float far above. But on a grander scale than one trip to the wild places. Time is flying and standing still all at once; December has already come and nearly gone. May will be here in a blink and I will be loading our things into a westbound car…but that day can’t come soon enough. I pray for direction…it is time for me to get my act together and make something happen. I wonder if ever I will feel settled; like I’m not just planning and preparing for the next fix. I read that you should never sail away from anything….and I’m not….but what is the goal???

an hour or two later

I ran, hard and fast, in the cold. I ran as the wind pierced my body with ice-daggers, freezing me and leaving me numb and comfortable. Spindrift slipped into my shoes and the crystal air crushed my lungs, cooling the fire inside. I am dizzy and cold and anesthetized and tingling as my senseless fingers fumble over the keys…

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